As we dig out the warmer coats and wellies, memories of the summer holidays fade and we well and truly feel ‘back in the swing of it’. The school year still feels unfamiliar and new, and the routine of school is not a welcome route through the changing seasons. For some, school anxiety can be a major issue.
Firstly, remember that the new school year is only a few weeks old, and the time taken for a child to settle is not indicative of their long-term happiness or success in school. Adjusting to new classrooms, teachers and classmates takes a huge amount of brain space and energy. There are however, simple things you can do at home to help to reduce school anxiety.
Supporting anxious or school reluctant children through the Autumn term can feel difficult and overwhelming, so here are five tips to help beat school anxiety.
Tips to reduce school anxiety.
Reinforce the familiar.
Give your child plenty of time to indulge in the familiar, comfortable and ‘old’ aspects of their life. Visiting a favourite playground, reading a favourite book, coming home to a favourite meal are all ways to reinforce that not everything in life has changed. We all take great comfort and confidence in the familiar when grappling with the new.
Make time to chill.
Your child is surrounded by lots of other people throughout the day and is incredibly busy at school. Whilst you might feel like you have hardly seen them so yearn to spend quality time doing ‘nice’ things outside of school, be prepared to do nothing. A child groaning at your suggestion of a Saturday day out, disappearing to their bedroom, switching on the tv or burying themselves in their toys is not a rejection of you or ‘proof’ of a problem, but is an indication of needing some space and quiet time.
Don’t be frightened of missing out!
There may be lots of extra-curricular clubs, classes and new after school social occasions going on, which can bring out the hidden competitive monster in all of us. Whilst giving your child new opportunities and making sure they are not left out of the crowd may seem like a good idea, the realities of dragging a tired child to another unfamiliar situation is most likely to cause more anxiety. Saying no to things now doesn’t mean your child will never get involved or be invited, it simply acknowledges that your child isn’t ready now (and probably wouldn’t be great company anyway!)
Time your questions carefully.
I use an acronym to help me decide the best time to have an important conversation.
HAT: Someone who is Hungry, Angry or Tired is not ready to talk.
This principle is entirely true when talking to children about their school day. Children just don’t seem to sense your genuine desire for information about their day, so are very likely to respond with little more than a grunt if met with this question as soon as you see them. Conversely, if a child comes home with a fully charged tale from school, it is easy to become absorbed in their emotion rather than the facts. Do let your child offload, but then give them time and space before talking it through again at a later point. What a child tells you hours after an event when calm may be completely different from the first emotion-fuelled version.
Choose your questions wisely.
Talking about your own day is a good starting point for children to realise that good and bad days are part of normal life. This also allows you to model expressing your own feelings whilst setting the tone. Looking for positives when things might feel hard, and modelling resilience by finding solutions when things feel tough is an important life skill. Try asking questions that children can’t give one word answers to: What made your teacher happy today? What went well at school today? What did you use to help you in your lessons today? What felt hard today? What could you do tomorrow to help with that?
Bespoke sessions for your child.
Student Navigator offers bespoke mentoring support for primary school children to build confidence and independence for learning. This can be of great benefit to your child to help them feel less anxious about school. For more information, and to read our testimonials about primary mentoring, please click here.
If you’d like to get in touch to discuss how we could help your child, please contact us.